So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
