found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
