i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
