whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
