u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
