Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
