Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
