My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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