Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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