It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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