What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
