Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
