You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
