Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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