If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
