so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She even gives head with a lisp.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
