I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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