I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
