you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
