It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
