We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
