i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
