don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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