it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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