The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
