ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
