She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
