Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
