i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
