theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My ass is underappreciated
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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