i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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