If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
