yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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