How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
