Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
