so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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