Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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