I am spending my child support on dildos
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
