I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
