Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
