You're so nebulous sometimes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
