It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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