is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
