At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
