never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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