one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
