conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
