I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
