Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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