omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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